Category Archives: Old People Jokes

Love Making Tips for Seniors

senior couple dancing1. Wear your glasses to make sure your partner is actually in the bed.

2. Set timer for 3 minutes, in case you doze off in the middle.

3. Set the mood with lighting. (Turn them ALL OFF!)

4. Make sure you put 911 on your speed dial before you begin.

5. Write partner’s name on your hand in case you can’t remember.

6. Use extra Polygrip so your teeth don’t end up under the bed.

7. Have Tylenol ready in case you actually complete the act.

8. Make all the noise you want… The neighbors are deaf too.

9. If it works, call everyone you know with the good news!!

10. Don’t even think about trying it twice.

Old Is When…

old woman‘OLD’ IS WHEN….
Your sweetie says, ‘Let’s go upstairs and make love,’ and you answer, ‘Pick one; I can’t do both!’

‘OLD’ IS WHEN…
Your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you’re barefoot.

‘OLD’ IS WHEN…
Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.

‘OLD’ IS WHEN….
You don’t care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don’t have to go along.

elderly man‘OLD’ IS WHEN…
You are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police .

‘OLD’ IS WHEN..
‘Getting a little action’ means you don’t need to take any fiber today.

‘OLD’ IS WHEN…
‘Getting lucky’ means you find your car in the parking lot.

‘OLD’ IS WHEN…
An ‘all nighter’ means not getting up to use the bathroom.

and

‘OLD’ IS WHEN….
You are not sure if these are facts or jokes.

Getting Older…

old dentistHave you ever looked at others who are your own age and think, “Surely I can’t look that old…”

Well, you’ll love this one:

My name is Mary, and I was sitting in the waiting room for my very first appointment with a new dentist. I noticed his DDS diploma on the wall, which bore his full name. Suddenly, it occurred to me that a tall, handsome, dark-haired boy with the same name had been in my high school class some 30-odd years ago.

Could he be the same guy that I had a secret crush on way back then? Continue reading Getting Older…